Post by sallycat on Jan 4, 2011 21:25:35 GMT
With just under half our away league matches played (just over half come Saturday), I thought it would be nice to tell you all a bit more about my cycling adventures. People are lovely and take an interest and come up and ask me things all the time, which is nice. However, I get so many people asking me the same questions that I thought it would be good to put some of them on here.
So here are some Frequently Asked Questions:
Q – Are you cycling to all the games?
A – No, only the ones I feel like cycling to. This includes all away league matches, because I feel like actually achieving something. And some home games, and Molesey in the Surrey Senior Cup, but that was ONLY because I felt like it, and those ones don’t count and are not included in the mileage total.
Q – Even in the winter?
A – Yes. There’d be no point in sponsoring me to undertake a big challenge if it wasn’t a big challenge. By the way, HAVE you sponsored me? Why not? How very dare you.
Q – Even the far away ones?
A – No, I am refusing to cycle any single distance larger than 131 miles.
Q – Don’t you get cold?
A – No, I am made of loft insulation covered with human skin. If you don’t believe me, give me a hug.
Q – How long did it take you to get here today?
A – Five minutes. I forgot to set my state-of-the-art stopwatch until I was at the end of this road, so the rest doesn’t count. If only I would remember to start the clock when I left the house and stop/start it every time I stopped for a break, I would be able to answer this question more sensibly.
Q – Did you cycle ALL THE WAY?! You didn’t put your bike on the train or anything did you?
A – Yes, I put my bike on the train, turned it over and turned the pedals all the way to the end of the line so I could say I cycled all the way. Then I cycled here from the station. I also refer you to the answer to question 2.
Q – Do you stop overnight on the longer trips?
A – I do not sleep; I am a robot, and I can cycle 100 miles before lunchtime. Actually, that is a lie. Yes, I do.
Q – What kind of bike do you have?
A – A pink Barbie one with stabilizers and those multicoloured things on the wheel spokes that make an annoying clattering noise. Those are especially useful on A-roads. It also has pretty metallic pink streamers on the handlebars and behind the white faux-leather saddle, a little pink bell with Barbie’s face on, and a white basket on the handlebars, which is where I keep my Barbie dolls and Sutton shirt. To give me extra Street Cred, the Barbies are disguised as tyre levers and hex keys, and the bike is disguised as a 2010 Specialized Dolce Elite women’s racing bike. Her name is Guinevere, and she is an expensive mistress.
Q – How many gears do you have on your bike?
A –
(5x+1)² + 5x-2
____________
17
If x = 4: work it out for yourself. There’s a bit of fun for you. Tee hee. First correct answer wins a jam doughnut. No calculators or funny business with computers.
Q – How much money have you raised so far?
A – Enough to buy a really, REALLY good bike, or two pretty nifty ones. But I am going to give it to the FDP instead, because I am a proper Sutton fan. Last total was £1682.97. Have YOU sponsored me? Why not? How very dare you.
Q – What’s your fundraising target?
A – I never really had one, because I had no idea people were going to be so generous. I didn’t think I’d make more than £1000, but I am well on the way to £2000, so my new target is £100,000,000.97. Have you SPONSORED me? Why not? How very dare you.
Q – Oi Sal! Where’s yer bike?! Ha ha! Ho ho! Chortle.
A – Madagascar.
Q – Heh heh, you didn’t cycle to Worcester for the FA Trophy, did you?
A – Of course I did. “League games only” means, of course, “cup games included.” I cycled there in 15 minutes and sent my bike home by teleporter. Those of you who claim to have driven there with me and/or seen me getting out of a car are lying.
Q – Do you wear a helmet?
A –Only when my boyfriend is looking Yes, of course I do. Don’t ask absurd questions.
Q – Don’t you get a sore bum?
A – Nope, no bottom issues at all. As I said, I am made of loft insulation, apart from my knees, which appear to be made of Twiglets and Mini Cheddars.
Q – What route did you take/are you taking?
A – The one I sat down for two hours to plan, including countless shortcuts via unclassified roads. I could spend another two hours telling you about it if you like, but you’ll have to make an appointment. Alternatively, you can try reading my blog; it’s very nice.
Q – You’re going on holiday? Are you cycling there? Ha ha.
A – Of course. I am incapable of travelling by any other means now, as my feet have moulded to the shape of my pedals and I am no longer able to walk without holding on to railings.
Q – You must be really fit, aren’t you?
A – No. Seriously.
Q – You must be sore the morning after, aren’t you?
A – Never. Either I am fitter than I think I am, or I am not trying hard enough. I would go for the latter. No horsewhips, please.
Q – How are your knees?
A – Not bad, thanks. They still there, and seem to be working for now.
Q – What time are you leaving for Bury?
A – On the Friday. It’s about the same distance as Margate. I don’t trust myself to do 85 miles before 2pm, and I don’t like getting up early in the dark.
Q – What was the hardest trip so far? Lowestoft?
A – Good lord, no. Hastings, by a country mile. I am not doing that again unless I go insane. If I ever do it again, please have me see a doctor immediately.
Q – What was the easiest trip so far?
A – Tooting and Mitcham. I didn’t even break a sweat. And in August, too.
Q – What are the best and worst things about doing this?
A – The best thing is being a cool dude for a season and raising money for my club. It’s also good to visit little villages and pretty countryside I wouldn’t otherwise have the chance to see. Unfortunately, it’s not cheaper than other means of travel to away games, once you factor in the cost of the bike, parts, equipment and maintenance, regular services, tools, overnight accommodation, etc etc. The worst things are getting up really early, not being able to get drunkenised, and cycling to Hastings.
Any more?
So here are some Frequently Asked Questions:
Q – Are you cycling to all the games?
A – No, only the ones I feel like cycling to. This includes all away league matches, because I feel like actually achieving something. And some home games, and Molesey in the Surrey Senior Cup, but that was ONLY because I felt like it, and those ones don’t count and are not included in the mileage total.
Q – Even in the winter?
A – Yes. There’d be no point in sponsoring me to undertake a big challenge if it wasn’t a big challenge. By the way, HAVE you sponsored me? Why not? How very dare you.
Q – Even the far away ones?
A – No, I am refusing to cycle any single distance larger than 131 miles.
Q – Don’t you get cold?
A – No, I am made of loft insulation covered with human skin. If you don’t believe me, give me a hug.
Q – How long did it take you to get here today?
A – Five minutes. I forgot to set my state-of-the-art stopwatch until I was at the end of this road, so the rest doesn’t count. If only I would remember to start the clock when I left the house and stop/start it every time I stopped for a break, I would be able to answer this question more sensibly.
Q – Did you cycle ALL THE WAY?! You didn’t put your bike on the train or anything did you?
A – Yes, I put my bike on the train, turned it over and turned the pedals all the way to the end of the line so I could say I cycled all the way. Then I cycled here from the station. I also refer you to the answer to question 2.
Q – Do you stop overnight on the longer trips?
A – I do not sleep; I am a robot, and I can cycle 100 miles before lunchtime. Actually, that is a lie. Yes, I do.
Q – What kind of bike do you have?
A – A pink Barbie one with stabilizers and those multicoloured things on the wheel spokes that make an annoying clattering noise. Those are especially useful on A-roads. It also has pretty metallic pink streamers on the handlebars and behind the white faux-leather saddle, a little pink bell with Barbie’s face on, and a white basket on the handlebars, which is where I keep my Barbie dolls and Sutton shirt. To give me extra Street Cred, the Barbies are disguised as tyre levers and hex keys, and the bike is disguised as a 2010 Specialized Dolce Elite women’s racing bike. Her name is Guinevere, and she is an expensive mistress.
Q – How many gears do you have on your bike?
A –
(5x+1)² + 5x-2
____________
17
If x = 4: work it out for yourself. There’s a bit of fun for you. Tee hee. First correct answer wins a jam doughnut. No calculators or funny business with computers.
Q – How much money have you raised so far?
A – Enough to buy a really, REALLY good bike, or two pretty nifty ones. But I am going to give it to the FDP instead, because I am a proper Sutton fan. Last total was £1682.97. Have YOU sponsored me? Why not? How very dare you.
Q – What’s your fundraising target?
A – I never really had one, because I had no idea people were going to be so generous. I didn’t think I’d make more than £1000, but I am well on the way to £2000, so my new target is £100,000,000.97. Have you SPONSORED me? Why not? How very dare you.
Q – Oi Sal! Where’s yer bike?! Ha ha! Ho ho! Chortle.
A – Madagascar.
Q – Heh heh, you didn’t cycle to Worcester for the FA Trophy, did you?
A – Of course I did. “League games only” means, of course, “cup games included.” I cycled there in 15 minutes and sent my bike home by teleporter. Those of you who claim to have driven there with me and/or seen me getting out of a car are lying.
Q – Do you wear a helmet?
A –
Q – Don’t you get a sore bum?
A – Nope, no bottom issues at all. As I said, I am made of loft insulation, apart from my knees, which appear to be made of Twiglets and Mini Cheddars.
Q – What route did you take/are you taking?
A – The one I sat down for two hours to plan, including countless shortcuts via unclassified roads. I could spend another two hours telling you about it if you like, but you’ll have to make an appointment. Alternatively, you can try reading my blog; it’s very nice.
Q – You’re going on holiday? Are you cycling there? Ha ha.
A – Of course. I am incapable of travelling by any other means now, as my feet have moulded to the shape of my pedals and I am no longer able to walk without holding on to railings.
Q – You must be really fit, aren’t you?
A – No. Seriously.
Q – You must be sore the morning after, aren’t you?
A – Never. Either I am fitter than I think I am, or I am not trying hard enough. I would go for the latter. No horsewhips, please.
Q – How are your knees?
A – Not bad, thanks. They still there, and seem to be working for now.
Q – What time are you leaving for Bury?
A – On the Friday. It’s about the same distance as Margate. I don’t trust myself to do 85 miles before 2pm, and I don’t like getting up early in the dark.
Q – What was the hardest trip so far? Lowestoft?
A – Good lord, no. Hastings, by a country mile. I am not doing that again unless I go insane. If I ever do it again, please have me see a doctor immediately.
Q – What was the easiest trip so far?
A – Tooting and Mitcham. I didn’t even break a sweat. And in August, too.
Q – What are the best and worst things about doing this?
A – The best thing is being a cool dude for a season and raising money for my club. It’s also good to visit little villages and pretty countryside I wouldn’t otherwise have the chance to see. Unfortunately, it’s not cheaper than other means of travel to away games, once you factor in the cost of the bike, parts, equipment and maintenance, regular services, tools, overnight accommodation, etc etc. The worst things are getting up really early, not being able to get drunkenised, and cycling to Hastings.
Any more?